The Bad Yogi’s Guide to Being a Bad Yogi
Posted on April 08 2018
I’m a bad yogi, and you probably are too.
And you know what? I’m proud!
I don’t believe that yoga needs to be taken as sacred and serious for it to be beneficial. Sure, you should absolutely respect its traditions.
But don’t let anybody convince you that you have to be perfect to be a yogi. It’s a total lie.
So, for all of us who aren’t perfect yogis, I welcome you wholeheartedly to the Bad Yogi Club!
We meet on Wednesdays for wine, brownies, and trash TV. I wish! That would be amazing. Can you imagine?
But really, let’s take a look at what makes a bad yogi.
Read the following list and let me know, are you a bad yogi too? I sure am!
What do you do when somebody lets out a big loud fart in class?Good Yogi: I keep to myself and ignore it. It’s natural, after all!
Bad Yogi: I do my best to keep from giggling, but hey, you win some you lose some!
What do you do when your instructor asks the class how their days have been?Good Yogi: I say, “good, thank you.”
Bad Yogi: Oh my god I’m so glad you asked. First of all, I woke up and saw that my dog had pooped on the floor. You know how I knew that? I stepped in it. Yeah. That was a great start to my day. Then, there were no clean mugs for my coffee. Mm, see these eye bags? That’s what happens when there’s no coffee. Ugh. I got to work on time, so that was great, but nobody else did. So, I still was delayed even though I was on time. But work was actually pretty average. I couldn’t wait to get out of there though because I had a few errands to run after, and I was so excited to just get it all done and get home so I could change and then come here. But then… oh. I’m sorry. I mean… it was fine. Thank you. Carry on.
What do you do when you can’t seem to get into that inversion?Good Yogi: I do my best. I’ll get it eventually. As long as I know I tried my best, I’m satisfied.
Bad Yogi: F*** sh**, I hate this stupid f****** pose. Come on, you mother****** legs, get in the air!
What do you do when you’re hungry after class?Good Yogi: I stop by Whole Foods and grab myself some fresh, organic, GMO-free veggies and seitan. Then I go home and prepare a healthy meal for myself.
Bad Yogi: “Yeah, hi. Can I get a number four, large? I’d also like four chicken nuggets, a double cheeseburger, and…. What’s your largest size of McFlurry? Okay, yeah, that. M&M. Nope! That’s all. Thanks.”
What do you do when your yoga mat neighbor is struggling with a pose?Good Yogi: I help them out, of course! I want everybody to be and feel their best.
Bad Yogi: I let the pride wash through my veins. I have won this competition. Let the heavens know my name, for I am victorious!
What do you do when you have class but you’re not feeling it?Good Yogi: I go anyway because I know that I’ll feel better after I did.
Bad Yogi: “Yeah, hi. Can I get a number four, large? I’d also like four chicken nuggets, a double cheeseburger, and…. What’s your largest size of McFlurry? Okay, yeah, that. M&M. Nope! That’s all. Thanks.” Oh, and Netflix.
What do you do when a new pair of yoga pants is talked about as being a must-have?Good Yogi: I buy them! Anything to help my practice.
Bad Yogi: I’m sorry, you want how much for a pair of stretchy pants that will rip in a few months anyway? HA! Over my dead body!
Who do you think yoga is for?Good Yogi: Yoga is about more than just classes and poses. It’s a lifestyle, and only those who subscribe to the lifestyle should consider themselves yogis.
Bad Yogi: Yoga is for anybody, even if you smoke a pack of day, love eating as much bacon as you can possibly fit in your body on a given day and swear like a sailor. You know, kind of like me some days…
To be honest, the bad yogi sounds like a lot more fun than the good yogi!
At the end of the day, though, yoga is what it is. It’s not going to completely rewrite who you are on a fundamental basis.
It’s not going to transform you into somebody who you aren’t.
Yoga is a great, healthy activity that has a lot of benefits on and off the mat. Those benefits aren’t reserved for only the holier-than-thou vegan yogis who live life in a totally Zen state.So, even if you’re a bad yogi, keep doing what you’re doing. You have just as much of a right to be here as anybody else!