What yoga accessories do you keep on hand? Let’s be honest with each other, we have too much. We’re so partial to buying new things for yoga because it makes us feel like we’ll be better at it by having all the odds and ends that might have a small tiny chance of increasing the value of our experience.
But if we’re being honest with ourselves, we know that yoga doesn’t require any knick-knacks to be beneficial.
It’s about the basics.
JP Sears is a YouTuber who makes parody videos about many new age lifestyle aspects.
While he does actually support most of what he makes videos about, his videos shed a light on some of the funny and somewhat hypocritical things those in our community are guilty of taking part in.
He made a video last year about what common yoga accessories say about you, and it’s downright hilarious.
He says, “Ancient wisdom has it that you can tell more about a person by looking at their yoga accessories than you can by looking a person or their yoga.”
Here’s what he lists in this all too-real video:
Yoga Mat CarrierJP: “Using a yoga mat carrier lets the world know that your arms aren’t strong enough to carry your two and a half pound yoga mat.” He also says, “Your ability to have the inability to carry your yoga mat probably means that you need to eat even less meat.”
Okay, we know that we have yoga mat carriers because yoga mats are awkward to carry and not because they’re heavy. It is also much more convenient. That is the reason why everybody uses bags, backpacks, suitcases, and yoga mat carriers. We also know that you can still be strong without eating meat. But still, I admit this is a funny little jab at ourselves for buying one of those things that we don’t really need to have a successful practice!
Yoga BlocksJP: “Using yoga blocks says that you’re the type of person who likes to do things that you can’t do without developing the ability to actually do that thing. It’s as useful as having somebody more intelligent than you take a test for you that you’re not smart enough to pass.”
Oh, come on JP! Yoga blocks help us start doing poses so that we can get better at them over time! I mean, that’s what we think they do… do they? Oh no…
Yoga PantsJP: “When you’re wearing yoga pants, you’re telling the world that ‘not seeing my genitals is none of your business. So, here’s my Lycra-encased genitals silhouette staring you right in the face.”
Ha! I always do the squat test with new yoga pants to make sure that they’re not see-through. Still, we can’t deny the reality that it is pretty easy to make the outline out of our private areas. Especially for guys. That’s an image I’d like removed from my mind now, thanks!
CrystalsJP: “Wearing a healing crystal says, ‘I’m so damaged, I need healing all day every day.’ It also lets people know that you have a minimum of 11 cats at home and that nobody will ever be as important to you as your cats are.”
Real talk though, make sure your crystals are coming from a reputable source that only gets their crystals from carbon-neutral mining that doesn’t use low-wage labor. Most of the cheap crystals out there come from places that have deplorable working conditions, or they come from large industrial mines that are really bad for the environment. As long as you’re buying responsibly, you reap that healing energy all you want!
Mala BeadsJP: “You wearing Malas lets everybody know that you are part of the conscious elite because you’ve figured out how to use them for something far more profound than just facilitating a stronger spiritual connection. You use them to improve the look of your yoga fashion.”
I don’t personally wear Mala beads, but so far this is so true! I swear most of the yogis that I know are constantly repping the Mala beads. And who can blame them?! They’re cute and help you gain a deeper spiritual connection!
Hemp ShirtJP: “Wearing a hemp shirt says, ‘hey, I have enough money to be able to afford to look like I have no money.’” “Looking broke is the trendiest thing in the new age community since actually being broke.”
Hemp shirts sound downright uncomfortable, but you can’t keep me from my hemp lotion, JP! Hemp smells amazing and it has those great boho chic vibes. Okay, no. Maybe he’s right about this one…
Yoga Mat with a Quote on ItJP: “Having a cliché quote on your yoga mat says, ‘I’m in touch with myself enough to know that I’m not intelligent enough to remember my favorite quote of generic optimism, so my yoga mat remembers it for me.’”
Oh, come on, that one’s not fair! It’s like having a mantra always available for you to grab hold of! Plus, they offer something a little different than just a plain solid color or a loud pattern. I will defend my yoga mat with a quote on it until I die!
The BeachJP: “Because of the hot, sticky, abrasive sand stuck to your body, the blazing hot sun, and people constantly staring at you and judging you for just trying to get noticed, the beach might be the worst place to do yoga. But being at the beach says you know what the best setting is for taking yoga photos for your Instagram account, which is more important than your yoga is.”
Okay, nope. No argument here. Beach yoga is the actual worst. I don’t know how Yoga Girl does it!
Okay, maybe his assessments of what common yoga accessories say about their owner is a little harsh.
But can we blame him for being right?
After all, maybe we could use a little reality check now and then! But it’s all in good fun.
Laugh at yourself, laugh at your friends, and do what you want. You’re not hurting anybody by living your new age life!